ARGUING MORE AND GETTING LESS ROMANTIC

REAL TALK ON MY LAST....
FEELIN LIKE A 16 BAR LOOP ON....
CAME FROM A BACKGROUND OF ANGER AND HATRED AND SECRETS...
LEADING PEOPLE CLOSE ENOUGH TO ME TO MANIPULATE BUT FAR ENOUGH THEY DONT GET COMFORTABLE...
TOLD THAT WHEN I HAVE A PROBLEM TO DISCUSS IT WITH YOU BUT DISCUSSING IT WITH YOU IS OPENING UP DOORS TO YOU IGNORANCE THAT YOU DONT RECOGNIZE AS IF U HAVE SOME THING BETWEEN YOUR EARS AND WHAT IM SAYING..
EARS + PRIDE + DEFENSE + EXCUSE + MY FEELING
TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO SOMEONE WHOS SO FRAGILE IS LIKE BEING BLIND AND ASKING A DEF PERSON FOR DIRECTION....
WE GET NO WHERE...
CHANGE????
DO I WANT IT
DO WE NEED IT
DOES IT EVEN EXIST..
CHANGE TO ME IS A PERSONS WAY OUT OF REALIZING THEY HAVE A PROBLEM...
ITS LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL "BREAK"
AND EXCUSE TO COME TO TERMS THAT YOUR THE ISSUE...
TRYING TO FIGURE WATS MY DAY TO DAY PURPOSE IN FIRST LIFE AND THEN WATEVER THIS IS... CAUSE ITS NOT A RELATIONSHIP...
ITS U VERSES ME
ME VERSES YOU
TWIN VS TWIN BETTER YET...
TOO MUCH OF NOTHING IN COMMON...
THERES SO MANY THINGS TO DO OUT HERE BUT I FIND MYSELF NOT HAVING DIRECTION OR CONTROL OF THE WHEEL AND SOMETIME I WANT TO GRAB HOLD BUT WHEN THE CHANCE COMES A HIT A FORK THAT LEADS TO LOSING PEOPLE AND BREAKING HEARTS...
HAPPINESS?
ITS A LUXURY..
NOT NECCESITY
MY HAPPINESS?
MY DAUGHTERS...
DJING.. NO...
ART.. NO...
MUSIC.... NO...

MY HAPPINESS IS M LONESOME...
ALONE.... AKA BY MYSELF.. WITH OUT ANYONE AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE AROUND...
PEOPLE WOULD KILL FOR OPPURTUNITIES I GET AND PASS UP...
BUT I WOULD KILL TO BE STANDING ON A LEDGE READY TO JUMP AND HAVE TO FEELING OF BEING ALIVE ONCE AGAIN...
WAKE UP WORK KIDS AND DRAMA...
SLEEP...
WAKE UP WORK KIDS AND DRAMA...
SLEEP...
BETTER YET...
I HAVENT HAD A DREAM IN A WHILE...
DONT KNOW HOW..
I LITERALLY DAYDREAM OF DRIVE A CAR AT A MAXIMUM SPEED AND WINDOWS DOWN HAIR OUT BLOW AROUND OUT OF CONTROL GRIPPING THE STEERING WHEEL WITH BOTH HANDS CRYING TEARS OUT AS THE WIND BLOWS THEM TOWARDS MY EARS AND FINALLY OFF A CLIFF AND CLOSING MY EYES AND THINKING IN THOSE LAST SECONDS.. THE MOST ALIVE I EVER FELT....
CRASH....
THEN BIRTH...
FUNERAL.... WHO WILL COME WHO WONT WHO CARES...
THOSE LAST SECOND I FELT SOMETHING....
I WANT THAT I NEED THAT FEELING A EXSTACY...

I SMILE AND HIDE SO MUCH CONFUSION BEHIND IT...

WHICH WAY TO GO...
WHERE TO GO...
HOW TO GET THERE...
WHY WAKE UP...
WHAT TO DO?

THE REAL ME.....
HAVE ALMOST ANY GIRL I WANT...
BUT WHAT IS THAT WORTH WHEN YOU FIGHT TO EVEN FEEL SOMETHING FOR THEM...
STUFF THATS NATURAL TO PEOPLE.. I WISH I COULD DO...
I DONT "MISS"....
I DONT "FEEL"...
I DONT WORRY...
I DONT GET BUTTER FLIES...
I DONT KNOW HOW OR EVEN WHAT IS LOVE...
AND MOST OF ALL I DONT KNOW IF I WOULD WANT TO IF I HAD THE OPPERTUNITY..
CAUSE LOST AND BREATH WITHOUT LIFE IS HOME TO ME..
I RATHER NOT FEEL THEN TO HURT...
NOT SCARED...
JUST NOT READY...

ME....
MARCUS.....
H.O..M...E....